One Love

I met him when I was twenty-one. Four years passed since I left him… It was just three months of relationship. I could still draw his smiling face, his seraphic eyes that I always remember as two cups of pristine honey, glittering in every glimpse. I still feel his caressing like the petals of a soft rose.

His last sight on me bore such a gravity that I wanted to throw off everything and return to him. But I couldn’t give a try. I left him… He might have felt like being forsaken. Those words we spoke, the time we spent, the kisses we exchanged (some kisses were more than mere exchanges), all would have been haunting him. I made a welt on his heart, I knew. God!… I never wanted it. I was ready to bear the pain. I had been selfish! I did not think if he could bear the same.

The scene keeps replaying from my intangible memory. I did not utter a word about my leaving. He understood it as passively as pain seeped in him and tears brimmed wetting his lashes that spiked out portraying his eyes like two radiating red suns. His face was firm. A plain picture of anger and disappointment, with shades of pain spreading its roots all over his brows and forehead… Neither of us uttered a word. I could not see him. I did not see him. I turned my eyes away. He stood barely looking at me. He should have thought of myself to be ruthless to move even after knowing his reluctance and unrelenting love. He could not bear much of it. He moved out of my house and kept staring at my doorstep with the same red eyes.

It was agonising to pretend like ignoring the pain. I tried, but to control is pretty much a toil. I was too drained to toil. I was about to leave. He refused to look at me. He stood rigid. His feet rooted, eyes fixed and face neutral. He never wanted this. He was unaware of the fact that our relationship would cease at a point. I neither could explain things. It was too late to explain, too hard to be understood and too much a pain to bear. I grabbed his hand. He pulled back, registering his refusal. I did not give up. I grabbed his hands. He refuted in mute action. I forcefully hugged him. He could not refute much. His rigid stature loosened a bit. But did not hug me. Still in a state of disapproval… Could he even approve it? I knew he would never forgive me. I cried on his shoulders. My tears reached his bare shoulders through his shirt. I expected a hug back. But not yet… I looked at his eyes. I could not forgive myself. I kissed him deep on his forehead. He closed his eyes and remained sans motion. He never spoke. I bid a bye. It was much more than crucifying for him to stand this. He inched near me. Waited till I hugged him. He grabbed me tight and murmured into my ears. “When will you come back?”… The question pounded into my ears like asking me if I would even come back. I ran out of words. I hugged him tighter and kissed him on his neck. He wanted me to answer for his pain… But I kept moving…moving away from him!

He should have met many people by now. I have met too. Perhaps, I would have gone volatile from his memory. But he continues to linger on in mine, hoping to see him and talk to him like how we used to and refresh our lush memories… He must be seven by now. He must have transformed from a child to a boy. I miss him. I miss his mother, a wonderful woman and my friend.

To Milan and Susan,

With fond love.

The Best Passionate Kiss

Neesha was in a deep sleep. She stayed alone in her house. She heard a sound at her door. It wasn’t her dream. It did not sound like a decent knock. It sounded as if somebody slapped at the door. She woke up with a start and sprang up to the door to open it.

The dawn gave way for a clear, bright day. There was nobody but, Neesha at her doorstep. Her face was a portrait delivering mild irritation. She felt lazy and dragged herself back into her room. Her brain was still asleep and failed to recognize the scenario. She closed the door and picked her bed sheet and started folding it. That was when Neesha heard the same noise again…tender annoyance spread across her face. She opened the door one more time…it was the same no-show. Her anger rose slightly. When she was about to close her door, a feeble sound of a giggle from a tender voice reached her ears. Neesha was completely awake then. Her anger and irritation were off in a flash. Her face broke into a broad smile. She knew who it was. But remained silent. She stepped forward with soft inaudible footsteps. She crossed her veranda and reached the wall that stood independently between her house and her neighbor’s. A stealthy peek onto the other side of the wall. GOTCHAAA!!!

It was him. The boy, who Neesha admired and adored to the core. He was Milan. Having been caught unexpectedly, Milan’s face bore the expression of pure shock and thrill. For some strange reason, Milan was feeling shy and exhibited it through his excited eyes, which was equally big as Neesha’s. He coyly looked at her with his mouth half open, resembling a character from Disney world. Neesha loved it. She grabbed him by his waist and lifted him to kiss him on his cheeks. Getting lost in the warmth of the kissing, Milan closed his eyes and felt the kiss deep from within. It was a great admiration to look at the three year old enjoying the twenty one year old’s kiss. Neesha’s eyes didn’t spare a gaze at Milan, who looked down at her shoulder and played with her unkempt hair, wrapping it around his tiny forefinger. His shyness did not seem to abandon his face.

Neesha kissed the boy again and left him down. She knew she was running out of time and told the boy that she would be back after shower. It’s just an hour left for Neesha to be in her office. She moved animatedly inside her tiny abode, getting all her stuff ready. She was particular about being in her office on time. She hated her office, which she would describe as a hell filled with ruthless monsters. The thought of her office ambiance and her employers and co-workers would be sufficient to agitate Neesha’s good mood and fuel her fury. She was back from her shower. Forty minutes left. She dressed up, brushed her hair and left it loose. A portion of it dangled to the front over one of her shoulders. She packed her bag and came out of her room running hurriedly to put on her footwear.

Recognizing the sound, Milan stormed out of his house and rushed to reach Neesha before she leaves. Neesha was in an irate mood, thinking of her office. She just moved some ten yards out from her house. Milan ran towards Neesha, calling out, “Neesha chechi!!!…Neesha chechi!!!”. Neesha turned around with a reaction that defined that she had forgotten something significant. She ran towards him, who pulled her down to his height. Neesha knelt before him. Milan held her shoulders with his soft little palms. She cupped his face by his jaw line with both her hands and kissed him nonstop on his cheeks, forehead, tiny nose, big eyes and chin. She looked at Milan, waiting for him to react. His flawless face wore the same never-fading broad smile. Still holding her like before, Milan kissed the same way as Neesha. When he was done, he stood smiling with a hesitation. With a gasp and with his eyes shut hard, he performed a momentary magic that made Neesha forget all her tensions. He kissed her on her lips in a rush. A little passionate kiss, the best kiss, quite defining all his love for her. Neesha was surprised, as she looked at Milan, with his eyebrows arched up and gazing at her with his eyes sparkling with a blend of love and thrill. He appeared to control his delirious enthusiasm with his face emanating cherubic innocence. Neesha kissed him again on his eyes and set off to work. After passing a distance of twenty yards. She turned around, waved her hand at Milan and blew a kiss. A frenzied Milan’s smile broadened and eyes widened. He continued waving his hand frantically till she disappeared completely from his view.

A Ray of Sunlight

It was not a bright day. It was warm and not soothing. A rhythm of tension rang in my mind and so were my parents. My parents both belong to teaching community. Like typical Indian parents, they wished me to be on the top of the ‘BEST’ of all lists. I…I, was a typical example of what they never expected to have. But still was I loved and pampered. I was rather a different one, a different person, a peculiar kind, which could be hard to describe in a nut shell. I was crude. I loved all. I was rude. I was innocent. I was good, but displeasing. Not preferred by most people. I was seventeen. I talked to many, but had very little as friends. I was in school. Not a dull kid, nor an intelligent one. I was neither calm nor blaring. But to anyone’s surprise, my teachers never hated me. I was always welcomed with a warm smile by my teachers. I had so many dreams, but never organized to pursue any. I knew the dreams required a lot of hard work. The dreams…they were umpteen. I wanted to be everything in the world, everything that is good. But…I never gave a hand to try any of them.

We were awaiting my exam results. When the clock struck nine, the results were out. Mine was a good score of 89%, but not good enough for a child of two teachers, who expected to get a score above 95%. I knew I would never match their expectation. My parents were not totally dissatisfied. They planned to get me into a college which best fits my score. They were buzzing around like automated robots; buzzing around to set a good path for my future. But then, I had three solid months on hand to live my life to my heart’s content. While most of my age kids jumped into doing an additional course to hone their skills, I explored through the depths of life’s happiness, which most people called waste of time.

 A long walk with my dog, along the narrow road that cut through the endless stretch of green fields, sitting by the small brook, which silently composed its feeble, comforting tune, watching the tiny birds, who sat by the branches and cautioned each other of my presence, feeling the fresh scent of the green leaves that bore minute dew drops that individually gave the vision of the whole world around, noticing the angles to which my dog’s face and ears twisted and turned, as she stared boringly at my actions- these were part of my routine when the dawn breaks. I smelled the scent of the freshness of the day, felt the enthusiastic peace, within my soul. I loved it. I love it.

I never dreamt of being in any of the bigger institutions. But, I got a seat in one of the most reputed government universities in the state of Tamil Nadu in India. I joined Anna University, Trichy. I was excited to join a college, far from my hometown. I had plans about discovering the streets of Trichy, rather than planning about my studies.

My sister is four years younger to me. She was relatively intelligent and attractive. Had she not been by my side, my days would have been more difficult. When I was at school, she packed my lunch and school bag, got my socks and shoes ready. After all, she was the one to get my dresses ready, when I went for shower. Not just that, she helped me even during my STUDY HOURS! She loved me a lot; a lot than anything in her world. But I took only a meager of my time to consider her love on me.

 My mom kept herself busy, getting new dresses for me to wear at college. My father, who was not contented with my marks in the beginning, became cool after I got my college seat. In fact, he was proud about it! I was packing and sorting things which I needed to stay in a hostel. Dad bought me a pair of slippers, subtle and pretty. All of us were quite busy than usual. Nobody had time to pamper or play with Bommy, who questioningly barked at us. She was wondering what was going on. I was wondering about the days to come…